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Chapter 6 – Still Alive and Kicking the Shit

Was I wanting the good old times back again? At the start I didn’t get good vibes from Lee. He wasn’t too friendly. It wasn’t the nicest place to stay, but it was dead set in Wellington central just off Cuba St. I didn’t work for a couple weeks, just played some guitar and video games, got high. One flatmate sold weed so that sorted me right out. I started labouring for Tradestaff and got into some construction work. Things we’re looking regular. Lee sprayed me in the face with a fire extinguisher. Not a funny joke. It got me badly in the eyes. I got him back, but spoilt dinner in the process. They weren’t impressed. I had to buy fish and chips that night.

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We had a bit of a rodent problem. I once woke up to a mouse in my glass of water, which was left behind the bed. One flatmate stabbed one through the neck with a fork, he was rather proud. He made it dance. We would work, get high, play darts and Playstation. Lee was into his methamphetamine. He would often shoot up. I wasn’t down on any of that. I smoked a little bit when I first got there but that was it. Only once. I just liked to smoke weed and chill man. Eventually Misty came and joined me. Would it be? The foursome together again? But it wasn’t what it used to be. Lee wasn’t the same, things just weren’t the same. We didn’t see much of the city. It was tricky without a car. Work and get high, the working class way. Lee had a punk friend who would come over, either on meth or not, and craving it. He was very edgy. One evening he thought I called Sarah something nasty, and goes bonkers. Me and Misty lock ourselves in our room. He starts stabbing the wall with a knife. We were real freaked out. I didn’t know what to do but sit it out. We didn’t think to call the cops, probably best not to. We didn’t stay in Wellington much longer after that, time to head back to Queenstown I’d say. 
 

Me and Misty don’t last long. I fly single for a while. Me and Matt move in together into Misty’s old flat. It was good, he was a good mate. We became pretty close, getting high, playing video games, what the boys did. I didn’t drink that much. I was selling a bit of weed. I sold solid bags, three grams for $50. It was the densest weed I’d ever seen. People were going bonkers for them. Then one evening I was heading home from a nightout, waiting on a cab. I asked an Asian looking girl at the taxi stand if she lived near Huff street and wanted to share a ride, and she said yes. So off we go into the cab. Getting into small talk, her name was Ting, and she was from Shanghai, China. We get to mine and I ask her in, she agrees and she comes in for a chat. We were getting along pretty good. She says she wants to give me a gift. She goes to hers and comes back with a helicopter figurine. It looked pretty cool. It was pretty big. What a random thing to do, I’ve only just met you. We didn’t sleep together, we swap numbers and she heads home. She will forever change my life, for the good and the bad. I would never take anything back, only wish that things could have been different.
 

At first I wasn’t too keen on her, I was even still sleeping with Misty. But she seemed glamorous, had potential. She would cook some crazy foods, lots of dumplings and hot pot soups. I wasn’t in love but I was happy. She seemed like an upgrade from the last crazy affair. Then she gave me news that would change my life completely. Something I was no-where ready for. She was pregnant... I didn’t know what to think. I never wanted kids as I didn’t feel like a good role model to be a father. I was good with kids, I liked kids, but having my own was another story. I didn’t tell my parents. She didn’t either for a while. We didn’t talk much about things. We didn’t plan the future. I felt trapped. My parents had moved to Singapore and we moved into their house in Queenstown with some of my friends. We had a good place to raise a baby. I was going to be a father! I didn’t have a job and I was selling weed. Ting was getting money from her father for all sorts of things, so we were pretty sorted. I thought it would be a good time to propose to her. I wasn’t in love, but it would make things easier for her to stay here and for me to see my son. I didn’t know what else to do. I thought it was the right thing to do. I wanted to know my son. I didn’t want her to just go back to China and I wasn’t keen on moving to China.
 

We didn’t have a fancy wedding. It was just down at the court with a couple mates. I cried as the ceromony took place, not in happiness, but for being married to someone I didn’t love. My parents had booked a holiday for me and my brother to go visit them in Singapore. I left Ting for a couple weeks and headed over, I wasn’t dreading spilling the news to the parents. Singapore was exciting. Nice and warm. We ate out, went go-carting, movies, shopping. One day at lunch I blurt out, “I’m married, and she’s pregnant”. Mum was pretty quiet. She asked her name and I told her Ting, and that she was Chinese. Later when we told Dad he didn’t seem too phased either. He was probably shocked. I was expecting worse. We went to Phuket, Thailand for a week. We took a boat to an island and went snorkelling, fended off monkey advances. We hired scooters and toured the island, stopping at beaches for swims and restaurants for feeds. The kickboxing was pretty entertaining, though it unnerved me that the kids were fighting. One even got knocked out!
 

Me and my brother headed out on the piss. It was pretty loose. There were women everywhere, hot women. And I know what you are thinking, they’re all lady boys, but that’s simply not true. We hit a pool bar and the girls there instantly chat us up. They were offerering to get us the drinks and play some pool with us. We move onto a strip bar and check out some local talent. It was my first time in one and I was ready for some action. It felt a little seedy. Still we had a good time. The lady boy wanted our cash but we laughed it off. We moved down the road a bit and sat back for a few drinks. Soon these two girls were talking to us. Turns out they were hookers. Adam wanted to go back to their place, I wasn’t that keen at first, I was married! Still I didn’t love her. What was it going to hurt? We took a tuk tuk back to their place. They made us shower first. Then we headed up to their rooms. It was my first time paying for sex. It didn’t really feel awkward. I was pretty drunk. Ten minutes later and I hear a scream from the next room. Turns out my brother was trying to ask her where the toilet was, as he was feeling sick. He never made the toilet. He threw up all over the girl. There was a bit of a language barrier there you see. We showered again and left for the hotel room, satisfied with a good night. It was a good holiday, but I had a lot to return home to.
 

I was looking for work, but didn’t have a career in mind. Ting had started to learn to fly helicopters. She was working on her personal licence. I had my doubts initially. I didn’t think flying while pregnant was a good idea, but she went with it. She was keen on it and she was a smart girl. I thought we would have a bright future together. She would make the money and I’d make time for our son. The time came when she was getting near due. Mum had come home for support. We had to drive to Invercargill for the birth. It was Valentines Day, 2007. What was I in for? You can’t stop nature. I was pretty nervous. The pregnancy took a while. While waiting I’d run out to the car for ciggies and a session, just to calm my nerves. I had a little of the NOS that they give the women, though Ting wasn’t too fond of me doing that. I got a phone call from Beaver Liquor, a liquor wholesaler while in the ward. I had applied for a job there. They offered me the job and I was set, a father and employed! When the head popped through I thought it looked like something out of an alien movie. It freaked me out. Then he popped out and there was a sack around him. I thought he was suffocating. They got the sack off and he started breathing and crying. I was a father! He was to be known as Tyler Tao Clark, Tao being his mother’s family name. It was surreal.
 

Me and the boys spent a lot of time upstairs in the smoking room. We played a lot of poker, smoked pot, talked shit. Babies were babies, they didn’t do much. It was mostly feed and sleep. Plenty of  time to spend with the lads. Me and Matt get hooked on a video game Adam  recommended called World of Warcraft. It was a blast, the perfect game. There were a few all nighters, levelling up, racing each other. I get a job with the lads, as a gib stopper labourer. It was pretty cruise. We smoked a bit of pot at work. It was a shit job, but we could do it high no worries. Pots weak as piss mate. Life was alright. Soon thereafter, Ting decided she wanted to visit her parents, let them see their grandson. So we booked tickets to Shanghai and off we went.
 

I didn’t know what to expect. I was happy that her parents didn’t speak English. I wouldn’t get interrogated. They lived up in a high rise skyscaper. It was different living. We went out to eat a lot. The food was yum and hot pots were a favourite. They seemed to like me. I didn’t have much to do, or any cash. I wish I could have seen the Great Wall. Ting didn't really take me around. I played a lot of video games and got used to being sober from weed. I would break out in sweats and couldn’t sleep. I feel lost with my life, in direction. One day I decide to call dad and I say, “Dad, I’m sick of feeling stupid”. I tell him I want to go to University, so I sign up for computer science at the University of Otago. It starts up in a couple months.
 

I head to Dunedin where my brother is also studying. The plan was to find a suitable flat for Ting and the baby to return to, with my brother also staying. The parents were helping pay for the flat and that helped heaps. We found a good two bedroom place on George Street near the University. Uni started soon and me and my brother passed the time smoking a lot of pot, and playing a lot of World of Warcraft. We didn’t have much to do, it was the holidays. We should have found temp jobs.
 

School starts and Ting flies over from China. I feel like I should be in a job supporting my family, but I’m thinking of my future. I used to be good at making websites, why can’t I get better? That’s what I wanted to focus on. It seemed pretty easy to begin with. I was definatly ahead of the rest as far as web development went. I didn’t go to a few subjects, english being a subject I had no interest in and didn not need to make websites. Chinese was way too hard. I got high B's in the web design course and computer programming. I’d lock myself in the bathroom with my books and bong, and not come out for hours. I should have put as much effort into all my papers, but that wasn’t my style or neccessary. 
 

Me and Ting don’t communicate that much. She didn't have any friends and I think she missed Queenstown I thought she would be happy for me to be pursuing a dream, as she was pursing hers. One day I get home from Uni and she tells me she’s going to leave me. I tell her she’s not leaving, there’s no way I want to be away from my son. I get pretty upset. She had already packed the car. This was it, was my married life over this quick? I was mortified. What did I expect, I wasn’t a good father, or was I? I loved my son. We spent heaps of time together. He was my Wudgee. Ting moved back to Queenstown. Her parents bought her a house to stay in. She wanted to continue her helicopter training. Uni for me got a lot harder. I couldn’t focus. I failed a few papers, the ones I didn’t go to. I started working for free at a Uni mates brother's business. I was coding websites for their business. They weren’t making much money, or so they told me, that’s why I worked for free. I was happy for the experience, but quickly felt ripped off. I didn’t want to be making money for the German brothers, and getting none. So I left, and soldiered on.
 

I tried to live the university life. There were parties, women. I still wore the wedding ring. I’d drive down to Queenstown on my weekends and stay with Ting and Tyler. It was good that she let me. We didn’t share a bed. I was happy to see my boy. I started working on a website for her. She had brought a whole lot of jewellery from China. I decided to try and sell them on the web and came up with the idea of Tings Jewellery Box. It would be an online shop. I’d spend hours working on it. She didn’t seem that interested. I really wanted to do something nice for her, to win her back maybe. It never took off due to lack of interest on her part. It could have been something big! The school year was rounding up, and I lost it at my brother one evening. He had a new girlfriend over all the time and I didn’t want her there. I was yelling in his face to clean up the flat and said he never cleaned it. He even called the cops I was going that mental. I didn’t hit him so they couldn’t do anything. There were bongs all over the houseand I was pissed off he called them and didn't hide the paraphaneilia. I talked Matt into attending University next year and kicked Adam out of the flat. I needed a bachelor pad. Things were looking on the up.
 

Two old pals, flatting again. Things got back to normal pretty quick. Getting high, playing video games. It’s what the boys did. This was to be a rough year for me, with some highs and lots of lows. School seemed a lot harder. What was I really in for? There were good nights getting on the piss. We had a good circle of mates. I still felt alone though. I missed the Dunedin riots because I wasn’t feeling up to going out that night. Matt and a few mates had front row seats, something I wish I had seen. My mind would wonder in class to my woes. I was calling Ting, she would talk to me. She had moved up to Motueka to study her commercial helicopter licence. Tyler was living in China with his grandparents. I couldn’t believe this, she didn’t even tell me. I was pretty devastated. I talked her into letting me come visit her up in Motueka, I was pretty distraught. When I get there she isn’t very friendly. I had been drinking alcohol all day, I thought it would help, I was an emotional wreck. She ends up going to a party and leaves me home alone, some host huh. Turns out she was seeing this guy and wanted to go there and see him. I’m pretty drunk by this stage, so I wonder into town seeking some action. As I get to the edge of town, this bloke standing at the bottom of some stairs asks me if I want some weed. I buy a couple of tinnies then he asks me if I’d like to go upstairs to a party. This sounds pretty sweet, so up I go. It’s full of Mot bogans and hippies, band gear set up, though I had just missed the gig. Still I got high and talked some shit. The goon sack I had been drinking was being shared and didn’t last long. I eventually stumble back to Tings and sleep in the spare room. The next morning she gives me her PS3 as some sort of parting gift and I fly back to Dunedin. It hadn’t gone well. What did I expect? I was holding on by a thread. Life carries on for a bit. I start to realise it’s really over. It’s around exam time and I’m not prepared. I want to drop out. I tell Mum and she agrees. I don’t know what I’m going to do. A week later dad calls me and offers me a job in Singapore. It’s an offer I can’t refuse.
 

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